Holding On and Letting Go
by Grannanatlanta
Summary: After being held captive for a year and a half by people, John finally gets rescued only to turn around and be held captive by his own mind for a whole other year. Can he overcome what has been done to him or will he be forever trapped, sometime things you have to hold onto and others you have to let go.


**This is a second part of another story you might want to read that one first it's called **_**Anybody Out There. **_**I wrote this second part because I got a few people *cough cough* Firedew, Sterenyk Strey, and Sheppardlover928 who convinced me. Thank you so much for your reviews on the first story I only hope that I wrote this just as good. **

_Is anybody out there?__  
__Is anybody listening?  
_  
John sat in his chair as his in-house nurse had so designated it. He continued to watch out the window, his nurse didn't know what he was watching for but she had always assumed he was looking for something or someone. She made sure he was cleaned, dressed, fed, but no matter how hard she tried to per swayed him from venturing away from the window, he would continue to sit there. She has been his nurse for over a year now and she still doesn't know much about him, other than what his brother had told her anyway and that really wasn't much. Sighing she left him to continue to watch out the window.

_Does anybody really know if it's the end of the beginning?_

John continued to watch out his window nothing usually ever happens outside of his window for it's on the far side of the huge house that his brother owned, away from the back and away from the front. He sat ready to repeat what he has continued to do every day since he was first sent to live with his brother. Just window watching, it's not like he meant to be this way he just couldn't seem to help it, it was like he was stuck in his mind and couldn't escape.  
He saw something suddenly move out of the corner of his eye thinking it was probably a deer or some other animal due to the fact his window faced the forest, his mind was shocked to spot a woman instead. She looked to be about his age, about 5"4 in height with long burnet hair in a pony-tail. She had hiking shorts and boots on with a white tang top with a baseball cap on her head and a blue jacket tied around her waist. It was the most his mind had cataloged about anything in a long time other than his own thoughts. He stared as she walked on a trail he never realized was there until now, she was about to step over a log that seemed to be in the path, when she seemed to have gotten caught up on something ells and tripped making a hard fall. John sucked in a breath, a breath which felt like the first one he has taken in a long time.

_The quiet rush of one breath__  
__Is all we're waiting for__  
__Sometimes the one we're taking__  
__Changes every one before..__  
_  
Before he knew what he was doing or how he had managed to do it he was suddenly outside, not just outside for the first time in over a year, but right outside his window. He looked over and saw the path and the woman where she seemed to be sitting holding her right leg and ankle. He hurried over.

"Oh hey I didn't know that anyone ells knew about this path." The woman said looking up shocked and hissed a little as she moved her ankle the wrong way.

"You probably shouldn't move that." John said his voice rough from not using it in over a year, John slowly started to feel his mind un-fog like the thing holding him locked in his own mind was finally releasing him. He felt a little more release but still somehow trapped like it wasn't enough like the fog just didn't want to let go, it cleared but just a little bit.

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

He knew he could feel himself breath again but that now also meant he could once again feel the pain and he remembered why he went numb to begin with. He felt his chest tighten like he was being choked from the inside out, but then he looked down at the woman who sat on the ground in front of him. He wanted so bad to be normal again but the pain he felt right now was almost too much to bear.

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed  
_  
But he knew he couldn't go back to the way he was this woman needed his help, he would have to deal that was how he used to do it and it was how he was going to do it now.

_Some prayers find an answer__  
__Some prayers never know__  
__We're holding on and letting go_

John took a deep breath and smiled down at the woman.

"Sorry I live in the house over there my bedroom is in that window, I happened to be looking out of it and saw you fall thought you could use some help?" John asked.

"That would be great actually I think I sprained it but I'm having a hard time getting up."

"I could help you up to the house I know where some icepacks are and you could use our phone?" John asked.

"Sure thank you." She smiled and John walked around bending down helping her up then having her lean against him as they made their way up to the house.

_Sometimes we're holding angels__  
__And we never even know_

The made it up the hill that John found easier going down, in fact he hurt everywhere knowing that was what he got for not doing his workouts for a whole year actually two. He felt incredibly weak not sure if he himself could make it up the rest of the way. But he ground his teeth and pushed on making it to the door.

_Don't know if we'll make it,__  
__But we know,__  
__We just can't let it show__  
_  
Once they finally made it into the house John lead her into the kitchen where he set her at the table going to the freezer he took out an icepack and on his way back he picked the phone that was on the counter up and passed both over to the woman. She placed the ice on her ankle and dialed a number after talking a few minutes with someone she hung up.

"That was my friend Deana Smith, she'll be here to pick me up soon I hope you don't mind you looked a little lost in thought so I just got your address from the envelopes on the table.

"That's ok." He said smiling, and then just realized something. "I'm John Sheppard." He said, she smiled.

"Hi, right forgot to introduce ourselves didn't we, I'm Castiel Miller, everyone just calls me Cas." John smiled and the just continued to talk about everything and nothing for the next half hour until there was a knock on the door. John got up to answer and a dirty blond 5"5 woman around the same age as the other woman came in. Both women made it out to the car that the woman who John assumed to be Deana drove and they were on their way. Going back into the kitchen to clean up John looked at the table and realized there were no envelopes there. Joust then John heard the front door open and turned and saw Dave standing there shocked just looking.

"John"

John smiled and felt his chest tighten again, finally after so long all the emotions he was once numb to came to him and he felt himself slipping before he could hit his knees though he felt arms around him.

_It's everything you wanted,_

John buried his head in the should holding him as they both sat on the floor he felt hot sensation running down his cheeks and new he was crying, he felt it, he sensed his throat tingle and burn and knew he was bawling and screaming his pain, he felt it, but most of all he sensed the arms around him and how they tightened and knew he wasn't alone, and he felt it.

_it's everything you don't_

But then John also felt the pain and sorrow the loneliness and they craziness. With everything he gained back today that all came too.

_It's one door swinging open  
_  
But even then he felt his older brother hold him and he couldn't help but smile the closest he's ever been to him and after everything that's happened this is what it took, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

_and one door swinging closed_

John knew though that he still had a long way to recovery but for once since this whole thing has started he felt he was finally on the right path.

_Some prayers find an answer__  
__Some prayers never know_

As John finally let all his emotions out he sat there held by his brother knowing now everything was going to be ok something's he won't ever get rid of though like the pain and loneliness that he felt for the past two years but he knew now he could get past it.

_We're holding on and letting go_

**THE END**

**Hope you all liked, please leave a review to tell me what you think.**

Song: Holding on and Letting Go  
By: Ross Copperman


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